emo

i dunno is that our gap or anything. Why?

I nvr expect u b as sentimental as me. but why u wan make me feel that wat i feel is nice n precious is ntg for u? Why even jz a love shape thingy oso u cn got diff opinion?

love n Arse are way diff.. o u jz mean n dun plan to b romance to me?

i dun like when pov clash. bcoz sure lead to argue. but if i stfu, den i will feel bad. ish

the fear

Ya. i m in fear right now. fear that i can take no more. fear tat i will go insane. fear tat i might bek to d horrible time. i m confused. i m sad. drop deeply in the pain tat no1 can help me.

i m cowardiac but once n once i try to take the pain. but this time i cant control myself. i hate thinkin bek d past. but i went bek to the deep and dark horror past. i cant stop myself from emo n sad. who is there for me? last time i m ur fear, n now still i m ur obstacle. actually m i wrong to even appear in ur life? karma? ya. karma exists. n tat is wat i deserve.
Ya. i m in fear right now. i m confused. i m sad. drop deeply in the pain tat no1 can help me.

i m cowardiac but once n once i try to take the pain. but this time i cant control myself. i hate thinkin bek d past. but i went bek to the deep and dark horror past. i cant stop myself from emo n sad. who is there for me? last time i m ur fear, n now still i m ur obstacle. actually m i wrong to even appear in ur life? karma? ya. karma exists. n tat is wat i deserve.

a.g.o.n.y

Just to make it clear
To you my dear
it’s been a year
she’s all i fear
She has made my life
Miserable and despair
I’ve been waiting
for the right time to disembark
leaving behind memories
that hurts every thought
leaving away something
that wasnt worth bought
she made me felt
the agony of love
she made me felt
like fighting cocks rather a pair of dove
the more she feared
the more she lose
and thus she lost sekaligus
baby you..
cannot replace her
because she’s not worth that much
once i overlooked all her negativities
in the name of love
but at last i gave up
and realized i’m not that tough
but just as u appeared
everyone thought
that you were the one
who destroyed this love
but no one knows
that i already planned to leave
just like a timed departure
it’s just that the train arrived earlier

for everytime i read this. i feel d ache.
but did u care?

drowned

y u would be d 1 pull me up n push me down again?

why?

wat is so wrong about me till i dun deserve wat i wan?

m i jz so not worthy for u?

i m just a normal gal askin for the most normal n basic things..

the 8th month

all the while my blog posts are emo. and today i goin make a slightly difference. most of the time i complain and said u bully me, but still u never leave me.

here we are, the 8th month. I really appreciate it bcoz u bek in klang this time. all the while i care whether r u here on this special date. everytime when u cant make it i will start to whine and lead to argument. ya. i m selfish and din think much for u. i alwiz wan to get wat i wan, without thinkin for u.

as usual i m a daydreamer. and today u gave me d scane that i alwiz watch on drama. candlelight dinner. i am 23 tis year but this is d first time i had candlelight dinner, and it is wit u. hubby, reli thanks for it. I dunno wat to say but i feel damn touched. i m glad u r here in my life, altho we alwiz argue over small thing due to my ego, but i nvr mean to hurt u. If i can make a wish, i will jz hope walk till the end of my life wit ur companion.

be wit me. i love u.

No again

this time he nt only reject me but ice cream as well. if he reli dun fancy of icecream den please dun let me see the pictures of the past.

I would only feel down to noe that u can tolerate wit her even u dun like, but reject me when i asked. and yet still wanna tell me that u wont eat icecream wit any1 anymore. u noe wat u mean by ur sentence? it sounds like only she can make u change n try d icecream even u dun like it. but u wont do the same for me.

u alwiz think i wan u do exactly the same wat u did to her. it is not wat u did, is the heart. Just dun make me feel u used to sacrifice alot for the past but u refused to be for now. ya. i m regret. to read the blog. i shud have not read it so i wont noe how sweet u two were. n how much u did for her.

which gal dun like ice cream? y u can be considerate and join her but ask me to find gal frens to go eat tat? u can reject but why u nid to make it sound like she is d special one for u so u would try but can turn me down directly? cant u gimme some dignity?

guessed that this scene just would nvr happen for me. not even in dream. how sweet when a couple can take a pic like tis. n u tell me wat? BF that would acc gf for ice cream and eat that tgt is not sissy, but they are man. just a bite will do. is the joyness of sharing. who dun like to share their fav thing wit the loved one? how am i goin to share since u just seem like dislike my fav thing?

u alwiz say i m demandin and never get enough. but u nvr und how much i will giv away jz for u. u dun like icecream? fine, i can stop it too. but can u just dun make me feel u will only try for her? Alot things i dun like but still i try to accept. that is d diff btw us, i dun like anythin bout u o ur hobby i will try to accept, but if u dun like den u will only give me A BIG NO.

u cant ctrl ur ego den u expect i can ctrl mine? i m arrogant n ego too. how can u expect i throw mine away whenever u kip reject me? i have to take rejection yet noe i m ntg to make u to tolerate wit me.


sorry my dear icecream. Seem like i have to cut down my addiction to u. I knew u r d best thing for me whenever i feel emo o stressed. but i hope more on sharing the same thing wit him. so when i am wit him, den i nid folo his taste. so i think i cant order that when out wit him. since he dun like n i dun think i like to sit thr n eat alone while lookin at him. how nice it would be if he can join me.



ya.. Elene.. NO MORE ICE CREAM for u.

for u, u alwiz think i wanna replace her. i jz wan u wipe her off. u did too much for her, n i would feel i am ntg. i nt imitating her either. i just reli like icecream. so u think wat? i followed her den u would do d same. HOLYCRAP. i just duwan u make her special in ur mind o heart. i will jealous.

it is not never enuf. i saw wat u did n i felt touched too. but why after i feel touched u wanna say smtg tat would make me feel things still d same? why after all still make me feel i cant beat the past?

alwiz i choose to fight, but d outcome is d same. I will be the 1 changing n giv up on wat i wan. I wish i m nt naive oso. den i can be realistic n practical. Did u ever see my effort den?

i m the idiot.

Isn't tat i already said i will never hope for anythin anymore?
Shud have noe d date dun mean much for u,
y even i knew u got class on fri
still i hope u will bek at here for me?
by d moment u say u wont bek
d heart feel so sour
n tears roll down.

till last, still u wont cum bek for me on d date.

all these are in expectations, but y m i still feelin sad?
i hope n pray,
but it dun cum true.
LOA? it jz fkin dun work.
u r mean to me.

p/s: i hate when i cry like a kid, esp when it is bcoz of u.

why

Why izzit still d same after so long?
why i dun even hav d right to talk?
why u can nvr und wat i feel?
why u dun giv a damn to wat i wan?
why even after i try so hard still u r stingy to giv me wat i wan?
what i ask is nt a hard thing o over for u,
it is jz the most ordinary thing every gal will ever ask.
but why u wan accuse me for demanding?
m i jz not worth for anything after all?
why till now still u wan hurt me?
why tellin me tis n tat?
gettin regret? after i try everythin, regret is d only word u can giv me?

pray

birthday passed d.. not a very grand 1 but a special 1. not gonna to blog bout it over here. bcoz i wish to see tat in another blog. of cos i hope it is nt written by myself as well. hoping for miracle??

prayin hard. May god bless my family esp my dad. hope everything will b fine. please. *finger-cross*

emo swing

i think u wont read this blog before my bday. so i can write at here... u ask me dun tell u wat i wan.. i nvr plan tellin u also. bcoz i knew even i tell u cant make it...

wat i wn?
i wan to b like last time.. u celeb my bday wit me in BBQ plaza..
i wan to go chilli's restaurant to hav a try...
i wan to hear u singing happy birthday song for me..
i wan to eat ice cream wit u..
i wan a nice sweet bday blog entry wit sweet pics..
i wan u by my side...

u said BBQ plaza is nt nice, chilli's is expensive, u dun eat sweet things... ur rejections.. just so mean to me..

i knew y u duwan.. bcoz u did all tis wit her... u went bbq plaza n chilli's wit her.. brought her for icecream n choc..

can i cry?